This Rage with no Reason....it knows no bounds...but has no source
Tuesday, October the 5th...9:44 PM
I ducked away. I was watching Dances with Wolvesfor class and returned to the room. Something felt simply wrong in the space so I grabbed a few items and walked off. Starr and Q don't know where I am but I'm not 100% sure if that's relevant. Something feels wrong it kinda bothers me.
Not too sure what that is....I have my absolutely unquestionably important and irreplaceable CD player and big as whoa Headphones..Sony of course....something feels so fundamentally wrong at this moment. I feel like I really should be some where with somone. Like I'm suppose to be helping someone right now but I'm not picking up on who.
I've kinda been unnecessarily mean to Ali....I'm not sure if I regret it or not...Ali doesn't particularly take special interest in me because I'm of no value in his world system. You see he only talks to people that serve some purpose to him. Take Q for instance,he only talks to Q when he needs to know what HW is assigned....and for a while he'd call for her on my phone....yeah. Or Starr he only talks to her because she know people in Statesboro and because she can hold her liquor. Or Jessica just basically barks orders at him until he does what she says so she doesn't hurt him. I on the other hand am in none of his classes and don't drink and I'd rather be his friend than his master...I'm not particuarly much of anything physically yet. I'm only kindness and cuteness (not trying to be conceeded....but really that's all I am) I'm the one that brought him out of his shell and introduced him to half his friends now. He barely even says hi to me. I saw him about 5 or 6 times today. I didn't want to talk to him so I didn't look at him. I'm sure soon enough he'll ask someone if I'm mad at him. I'm not mad at him...it's just...going to be your friend if you only talk to me when you need something.....it does bother me but I'm trying to not let it get to me.
I have nails....I've never had them before. For as long as I can remember I've bitten my nails. Since the wreck I haven't done that. I've actually become OCD-fied about my nails. Starr laughs at my fascination with them and how I don't like to have anything stuck underneath them ever and howI always want them clean. I don't know what's the deal.
I bought a ring the other day. It's a celtic knot ring with 2 Triquetras and a heart...knnot thing. I really like it. It's a little big but not too much so....
I'm upset and I don't know why spoken word Jonnell session
....and something seeps from the darkness claiming your tears. Unwillingly, you yeild them as this creatre enfolds you in its smothering embrace. Carresses your lips with slimy fingertips ...love...this sick sad sober feeling knows nothing of it....fingertips in the darkness with no direction...this rage that knows no stillness...why so much anger..what is it that plaugues you little perfect angel...I am no perfect angel...
"Small, simple, safe price.Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.And I am not afraid to die.I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.I want the pain of payment.What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts.Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.Would you be my little cut?Would you be my thousand fucks?And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts.My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.Love is not like anything.Especially a fucking knife."
--The Used, In Love and Death
I need a walk I'm going to go play in the darkness I need the solace....this night is wrong and I can feel its sorrow
Old mini entry of no real relevance
Java City Cafe!
This fine unbelievable woman has blessed me with nectur!!!! She was so considerate! I wanted coffee special made and she accomidated me without a complaint and asked if I wanted milk or half and half and when they didn't have cup jackets she she like fashioned me one out of a cup. She was SOOO nice. She's one of those peopl that takes pride in their work no matter what. She was so cool
Okay so last night I almost up and died. I worried the hell outta Quita she ended up calling my mom. I had these terrible chest pains and couldn't breathe. Darn near lost consciousness at Barnes and Nobels. Yeah so Quita made me get in bed and put on Mulan so that I could fall asleep. I talked to Jun and so did Q! It was nice....
but right now I should be writing my paper about Zeus being a procruer of prostitues! Yeah so uh huh going to do that
Tuesday, October the 5th...9:44 PM
I ducked away. I was watching Dances with Wolvesfor class and returned to the room. Something felt simply wrong in the space so I grabbed a few items and walked off. Starr and Q don't know where I am but I'm not 100% sure if that's relevant. Something feels wrong it kinda bothers me.
Not too sure what that is....I have my absolutely unquestionably important and irreplaceable CD player and big as whoa Headphones..Sony of course....something feels so fundamentally wrong at this moment. I feel like I really should be some where with somone. Like I'm suppose to be helping someone right now but I'm not picking up on who.
I've kinda been unnecessarily mean to Ali....I'm not sure if I regret it or not...Ali doesn't particularly take special interest in me because I'm of no value in his world system. You see he only talks to people that serve some purpose to him. Take Q for instance,he only talks to Q when he needs to know what HW is assigned....and for a while he'd call for her on my phone....yeah. Or Starr he only talks to her because she know people in Statesboro and because she can hold her liquor. Or Jessica just basically barks orders at him until he does what she says so she doesn't hurt him. I on the other hand am in none of his classes and don't drink and I'd rather be his friend than his master...I'm not particuarly much of anything physically yet. I'm only kindness and cuteness (not trying to be conceeded....but really that's all I am) I'm the one that brought him out of his shell and introduced him to half his friends now. He barely even says hi to me. I saw him about 5 or 6 times today. I didn't want to talk to him so I didn't look at him. I'm sure soon enough he'll ask someone if I'm mad at him. I'm not mad at him...it's just...going to be your friend if you only talk to me when you need something.....it does bother me but I'm trying to not let it get to me.
I have nails....I've never had them before. For as long as I can remember I've bitten my nails. Since the wreck I haven't done that. I've actually become OCD-fied about my nails. Starr laughs at my fascination with them and how I don't like to have anything stuck underneath them ever and howI always want them clean. I don't know what's the deal.
I bought a ring the other day. It's a celtic knot ring with 2 Triquetras and a heart...knnot thing. I really like it. It's a little big but not too much so....
I'm upset and I don't know why spoken word Jonnell session
....and something seeps from the darkness claiming your tears. Unwillingly, you yeild them as this creatre enfolds you in its smothering embrace. Carresses your lips with slimy fingertips ...love...this sick sad sober feeling knows nothing of it....fingertips in the darkness with no direction...this rage that knows no stillness...why so much anger..what is it that plaugues you little perfect angel...I am no perfect angel...
"Small, simple, safe price.Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.And I am not afraid to die.I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.I want the pain of payment.What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts.Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.Would you be my little cut?Would you be my thousand fucks?And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts.My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.Love is not like anything.Especially a fucking knife."
--The Used, In Love and Death
I need a walk I'm going to go play in the darkness I need the solace....this night is wrong and I can feel its sorrow
Old mini entry of no real relevance
Java City Cafe!
This fine unbelievable woman has blessed me with nectur!!!! She was so considerate! I wanted coffee special made and she accomidated me without a complaint and asked if I wanted milk or half and half and when they didn't have cup jackets she she like fashioned me one out of a cup. She was SOOO nice. She's one of those peopl that takes pride in their work no matter what. She was so cool
Okay so last night I almost up and died. I worried the hell outta Quita she ended up calling my mom. I had these terrible chest pains and couldn't breathe. Darn near lost consciousness at Barnes and Nobels. Yeah so Quita made me get in bed and put on Mulan so that I could fall asleep. I talked to Jun and so did Q! It was nice....
but right now I should be writing my paper about Zeus being a procruer of prostitues! Yeah so uh huh going to do that
2 Comments:
check your email...i wonder if you had a bad feeling because of either me or krystal...i've had a lot on my mind and i wasn't in the greatest mood when you came in earlier...and your blog just caused me to think a lot.
okay Starr here yet since i dont have an account ill be known simply as anonymous! Next time you take a walk in the dark ASK FOR MY MACE! we luv ya ;)
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